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May 11th, 2012

avengers logo

The Avengers movie just came out and shattered box-office records. The Avengers in the movie has the line-up of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow and Nick Fury. In the comics, Marvel’s Avengers have had many different members coming and going over the years, not all of them have been winners.


Ant-Man

antman

Spider-Man has the proportionate strength of a spider, which compared to most of us, is pretty damn strong. Ant-Man on the other hand, has the strength of an ant. Not the proportionate strength, but the literal strength of an ant, which is pretty much nothing to worry about.. except maybe if you’re another ant. His power is to shrink to ant-size and to communicate with ants. He’d probably be your hero at a picnic except for the fact that he considers these ants his friends and probably crawl over all your picnic snacks with them.


Hercules

Drunken Hercules

Hercules‘ an Olympian God, with superhuman strength, durability, speed, heightened reflexes and immortal. He’s on the same level as Thor in terms of his strength. The problem is, that he’s also constantly drunk and a man-whore. He makes a bull in a china shop look dainty.


Starfox

Starfox

Starfox is a member of the Eternals, a genetic offshoot of humanity that left for the stars and settled on Titan, a moon of Saturn. Like most Eternals, he’s stronger and tougher than a normal human and flies, but he has a special power all his own, he’s “persuasive”. Persuasive how, you might ask. Persuasive in that with the power of his mind he can stimulate the pleasure centers in another person’s brain and leave them “open to suggestion”, causing the person to become infatuated with someone else, an object… or even himself. He’s essentially spanish fly as a superhero. Yeah, that doesn’t sound creepy (or highly illegal in a “date rape” kind of way).


Sentry

Sentry

Imagine someone as powerful as Superman, but completely schizophrenic. That’s right, all powerful but completely out of his mind,.. and with poor judgement as a bonus. Add to this, that his “other” personality manifests itself as his mortal enemy The Void, and you have someone that sounds like they should be locked up “just in case” instead of being put on the front-line with the rest of the Avengers. Did we mention that he ended up killing another Avenger before they “took him out”.


Echo

Echo

Started off as a character in Daredevil’s book and spun-off into the Avenger’s book. Like any other woman that appears in a Daredevil comic, she “dated” him for a while (but then again, who hasn’t). Her power: photographic reflexes. What that means, is that she has the ability to perfectly copy the moves of any other person she sees. If she sees a Karate master, she picks up his moves just from watching him. If she sees a pianist, she ends up playing the piano like a virtuoso. Pretty cool power right? The problem, if she’s not surrounded by anyone with any skills (or she can’t see because it’s dark) she’s completely useless. Plus, she’s completely deaf and can only read lips, which is an even bigger drawback when you’re fighting alongside guys that wear masks that cover their mouths.


Dr. Druid

Druid

He’s a bit like Doctor Strange, but not as powerful.. or as cool. He was actually selected as a possible “back-up” for Doctor Strange in case he didn’t work out, he’s still waiting for his chance to this day. He’s a psychiatrist, explorer, minor telepath and magician – essentially a poor man’s Doctor Strange without the grace and charm. Do we have to be mean and mention that he looks like a guy that we wouldn’t leave alone with children?


Mantis

mantis

Mantis is a over-the-top martial artist! She can kick ass with the best of them! Her day job – barmaid and Vietnamese prostitute. Better hope she hasn’t booked any appointments next time Dr. Doom tries to take over the world.


May 2nd, 2012

JLo SnakeskinJennifer Lopez is one of the judges on the American Idol panel. She also stars in another reality series called Q’Viva! with her ex-husband, Marc Anthony. Despite the star’s recent separation and divorce, she has been making a come back with her career since her break from the spotlight that she took to be with her twins.

Although Jenny from the block has had some recent struggles with her personal life, i.e. ending her seven-year marriage with Marc Anthony, she is not letting that deter her appearance. She’s been known to switch up her style ranging from a more proper, sophisticated look to outrageous, bold, sexy and daring. No matter the case, she always gives us something to talk about.

Recently, she announced her upcoming tour with Latino pop sensation Enrique Inglesias, and when she did, her style definitely caught everyone’s attention. You might have a pair of snake-skin boots or a snake-skin bag, but you probably don’t have a snake dress priced at over $7,000—$7,800 to be exact.

The reptile frock was splattered with swarovski crystals. The crystals weren’t the only thing that made Jennifer Lopez‘s snake dress sparkle. In fact, Jennifer Lopez’s smiling disposition was what really made the dress shine. So you might be curious who made the dress…Well, the answer is Lanvin, which is a high-end fashion house with locations across the world in cities like Beverley Hills, Las Vegas, Tokyo and Dubai. Lanvin was established by fashion designer, Jeanne Lanvin. In order to really make her look stand out, J. Lo matched the tan, black and snake dress with a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti platforms.

We’ll see if the Dance Tonight songstress can top off her slithering snake look with something truly unique and over-the-top on her next appearance on American Idol.


April 24th, 2012

Bizarre movies are ones that don’t fit the mold of “normal” movies. There’s something about bizarre movies that are a little “off”. They’re not necessarily freaky or intentionally strange, such as weird films such as Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter or any film by David Lynch (Eraserhead anybody?), there’s something that’s not right in a subtle way that make it even more bizarre.



Grease

Grease

It was a musical, coming out at a time that nobody made musicals and was supposed to star Henry Winkler (popular from playing the Fonz on Happy Days) and Marie Osmond. Thankfully, they decided on John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John instead. It was a movie about high school students starring a cast of actors in their late 20’s to mid-thirties. Travolta was one of the youngest actors playing a teenager and he was 24 at the time. Travolta starred in the lead role and could barely sing, he “sang-talked” through most of his songs. Weirdly, the soundtrack for the movie was one of the best-sellers of that year. And the message of the movie *SPOILERS* if you want to get a guy, you must change to what he wants you to be, and what he wants you to be is a whore.

Good moral message for the kids!



Wristcutters – A Love Story

Wristcutters

There’s some bizarre movies out there that are bizarre almost by definition because their concept is so strange. Wristcutters – A Love Story is a love story as expected, but about 2 people that have committed suicide and now reside in a depressing limbo, where all suicide victims reside. Zia and Desiree were a couple when they were alive. Zia ended up killing himself after Desiree and him broke up. Zia finds himself waking up in a limbo where all suicide victims go. Soon after he finds out that Desiree ended up killing herself because of what Zia did to himself. Zia vows to himself, if there’s only one thing he can do while he’s dead, is that he’ll find his lost love Desiree.



The Forgotten

The Forgotten

What if everyone you loved, every moment you held dear.. changed forever.

Julianne Moore plays a grieving mother whose 9 year old was killed in a plane crash. One day she wakes up to find, that nobody else remembers her having a son, including her husband. She’s told that she’s created this “son” in her mind, that she’s having mental issues. Soon enough, her husband doesn’t know who she is, denies that they’re married. Her world seems to have just left her and she’s not sure if she’s lost her mind. Then one day, she bumps into a man who she remembered from her life before (played by The Wire’s Dominic West). She remembers that he lost a child in the same plane crash that took hers. He doesn’t remember this at all, but she notices a tear in the wallpaper on his wall and pulls at it like a loose thread, to find a painting on the wall done by his son.. and he remembers.

Sounds like a great X-Files episode so far right?

Unfortunately, what could have been great just turns bad right there. It turns out that *SPOILERS* they both did have kids that were taken away, but by aliens as an experiment to see how parents dealt with the loss of a child. People were “removed” from a situation by a light force from the sky which pulled them upwards into the light. When I saw it in the theater, people who loved the initial 80% of the movie stood up and walked to the ticket office demanding their money back at this point. What made this join the rank of bizarre movies was a great movie suddenly made ludicrous.



The Passion of the Christ

Passion of the Christ

It’s a movie concentrating on the last 12 hours of Jesus Christ’s life, those hours where he was being beaten and tortured to death. It’s more torture porn like HOSTEL than it is Jesus of Nazareth, you’re watching as this man gets smashed into a bloody pulp, barely recognizable as a man by the time the movie is ended. It’s extremely hard to watch and will likely make you sick to your stomach. And to make it even more bizarre, it’s filmed entirely in reconstructed aramaic, a language more dead than latin if you could believe it, so you’re forced to watch this mess with subtitles.

Even more bizarre, is that Mel Gibson directed this movie at a time that he wasn’t so popular. Crazier is that a movie that cost around $30 million (plus $15 million PR) made over $600 million with everything that went into making it the movie it was.



CRASH

Crash

It’s not the “feel good” ensemble piece that director Paul Haggis did about LA where it was all about how we’re “all in this together” that won about a million Oscar Awards, that would be too easy. It’s the OTHER Crash movie, the one that director David Cronenberg did based on J.G. Ballard’s novel of the same name, concerning a bunch of beautiful people who get off sexually on car crashes, sometimes in car crashes. Mixing sex and car crashes is an inspired choice for anybody. As expected, it was banned everywhere for years, except in Canada where it was made, probably because we were too buzzed over all that maple syrup.



Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It’s a love story. Boy meets girl and girl meets boy. They fall in love. Boy and girl have problems and split up.

At that point, most movies have them go through their paces until they realize they’re really in love and fall for each other happily ever after.

That doesn’t happen this time. Both boy and girl are in so much pain, that they each undergo a process that removes any memory of the relationship because they can’t deal with the pain of the memories. As those memories fade away, the boy fights against the loss, against the vacuum it creates.

Boy and girl forget each other, their parts in each others lives. The love story dies here.

Then, boy and girl happen to meet each other again, not knowing each other.. what happens then?



Johnny Got His Gun

Johnny Got His Gun

Based on the anti-war classic by Dalton Trumbo, this movie’s images are so shocking that rock-metal band Metallica just pieced together a series of clips from the movie and ended up with an Award-winning video for their song One.

A young American soldier gets hit by an artillery shell during World War 1. He ends up wounded, lying alone in a hospital bed. He’s left a quadruple amputee who’s also lost his eyes, ears, mouth and nose. He realizes these losses bit by bit, one by one and can’t even scream or cry at the loss. He ends up a prisoner within his own body, his only escape being as he drifts between fantasy and reality. he wants to die, but has no way to do it himself.

Not only one of the most bizarre movies ever made, but also one of the most depressing. Check out the Metallica video for ONE to get a taste of what it’s all about.


April 11th, 2012

Peeta and Katniss


Hunger Games
star Jennifer Lawrence is getting a LOT of flack these days over recent comments said about PEETA.

Wait, wasn’t there some kind of relationship in Hunger Games between her character Katniss and PEETA played by Josh Hutcherson? What’s wrong? What could she possibly say bad about Josh Hutcherson?

Ohhhhhhhhh!!

It was about comments that Jennifer Lawrence made about PETA – the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals – not PEETA – the character played by Josh Hutcherson in the Hunger Games movie.

In a recent interview with Jennifer Lawrence in Rolling Stone, they asked her about a scene in a movie she was nominated for an Academy for – Winter’s Bone – in which she skins a squirrel.

She said that she should probably just say that the squirrel wasn’t real, that it was faked – but “screw PETA”.

She meant PETA – the organization – not PEETA the prettyboy from Hunger Games played by Josh Hutcherson.

Of course, PETA – the organization not the Hunger Games prettyboy – got upset by this and immediately issued their own statement:

“She’s young and the plight of animals somehow hasn’t yet touched her heart. As Henry David Thoreau said, ‘The squirrel you kill in jest, dies in earnest.’ When people kill animals, it is the animals who are ’screwed,’ not PETA, and one day I hope she will try to make up for any pain she might cause any animal who did nothing but try to eke out a humble existence in nature”

“We are told that this squirrel was hit by a car, but when people kill animals, it is the animals who are ’screwed,’ not PETA, and one day I hope she will try to make up for any pain she might cause any animal who did nothing but try to eke out a humble existence in nature.”

To which Jennifer Lawrence probably rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath “Stupid hippies!”.

It’s unsure whether or not any squirrels have retaliated against Jennifer Lawrence for the apparent MURDER of their brother squirrel or her comments. No comments yet from the North American Squirrel Association.

Jennifer Lawrence

Rocket J. Squirrel to debate Jennifer Lawrence

It’s rumored that Rocket J. Squirrel, affectionately known to the fans of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show as “Rocky the flying squirrel” is not too happy about Jennifer Lawrence’s actions or comments. Says Rocket, “If I skinned a human girl in my cartoons, the cops would just shut me down right then and there, screw her!”

What Rocket would really like, is a debate between himself and Jennifer Lawrence over what happened, make sure that she knows her actions were serious. When asked for further comments, Rocky said “And now, here’s something we hope you’ll really like.” and then just flew away.


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