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August 31st, 2010

9 times out of 10 – when someone is asked to list their top ten greatest films of all time, at least 1 of The Godfather films is listed – sometimes even 2 of them. Almost no one ever mentions The Godfather III film when these lists come up – most just pretend it never existed. It’s not that it’s a completely horrible film, it’s just that when comparing it to the first 2 films which were arguably masterpieces – that few films could ever match up. One could argue after a 15 year lapse of time between films – why even try? Still, it’s really an epilogue to a great series of films and is an essential part to the saga.

As great as The Godfather films were, the aftermath of appearing in these films was often devastating on the careers of any actor that came near them.

Al Pacino (Michael Corleone)

As great as Pacino was in The Godfather films, Serpico and dozens more – once he won an Academy for his role of a blind and retired Army officer who liked to scream “Hoo-Ahh” at the drop of a hat, he quickly turned that over-the-top style into his career. What was great once, just rapidly turned annoying, as did his films.

Marlon Brando (Don Vito Corleone)

In playing the aging patriarch of the Corleone family, Brando gave the performance of a lifetime – in a lifetime that was already jam-packed full of great performances. Most of the work he did after that were mostly overpaid cameos in which he didn’t even read the script and improvised under the “influence”. Sure, he was great in Apocalypse Now, but were you aware that they cobbled that 16 minutes of incoherent speech together from over 3 days of Brando rambling on out of his fricken mind? The real talent was in editing, not acting. There’s also the matter of Brando putting on so much weight in films that they often only filmed him from the chest up.

Robert Duvall (Tom Hagen)

Fantastic actor – and he’s made some great films, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a film he’s made the last 20 years in which he wasn’t wearing a cowboy hat. Like Pacino – once he found something that won him awards (in this case Emmy awards for stuff like Lonesome Dove) – he stuck to it and did nothing else for the most part. For such a great actor, it’s a shame to box yourself in like that.

Talia Shire (Connie Corleone Rizzie)

Aside from starring in popular film franchises such as the Godfather saga and the Rocky films, she hasn’t done much. Then again, her getting the role may have been as much about nepotism (she was the director’s sister) as much as acting ability.

John Cazale (Fredo Corleone)

Gave a masterful performance as Michael’s idiot brother Fredo – and followed up with some excellent feature films – amongst them The Deerhunter and Dog Day Afternoon. Unlike the others, Mr. Cazale has a good excuse for not making any more great films – he unfortunately died in 1978.

Bruno Kirby (Pete Clemenza – as a young man)

Was a great character actor, who starred in both film and tv, he was everywhere. You’d almost have to go out of your way NOT to see his work somewhere. Unfortunately his career was cut way too short after he passed away from Leukemia a few years back.

And while it’s almost unfair to include people that only did The Godfather III, the curse seems to be attached to them as well. Here’s a few cases.

Andy Garcia (Vincent Mancini)

At one point, Andy Garcia was considered to be THE NEXT BIG THING in Hollywood. His roles in films such as Black Rain, Internal Affairs and The Untoucheables seemed to suggest that he’d surely be a contender – but a lacklustre descent into B-films and direct to video productions seem to suggest otherwise. His last big masterpiece, appearing in the second of Steve Martin’s attempts to destroy the Pink Panther films.

Bridget Fonda (Grace Hamilton)

Another up-and-comer, who’s part in the movie unfortunately ended up mostly on the cutting-room floor. Looks like most of her screen time went to Sofia Coppola’s “performance” instead *gasp* She was good in a small part in Tarantino’s Jackie Brown, and was offered the lead role in Ally McBeal (later given to Calista Flockhart) but turned it down to focus on her film career – which has ended up being a very bad decision since she hasn’t done anything of note since 2002.

And FINALLY.. the CURSED part of Mary Corleone…

The part was actually written for a young Julia Roberts, but she escaped the curse by dropping out due to scheduling conflicts. Madonna begged for the role also, but lost it because Coppola thought she was too old to play the part. Winona Ryder actually signed on for the part, but dropped out apparently because Johnny Depp broke off their engagement and she may have had a breakdown (allegedly). Winona who was another NEXT BIG THING with success in parts in movies like Heathers and Beetlejuice is sadly now more known for getting caught on video for shoplifting.

The one good thing to come out of the The CURSE of the Godfather is that it destroyed any chance of Sofia Coppola of ever acting in a film again. She ended up leaving acting to pursue directing, where she ended up putting together a masterpiece like Lost in Translation.


August 26th, 2010

Being into movies, over the years I have occasionally recommended movies to friends and family. For some reason, I still recommend movies now and then to my dad. I’m not sure why I do that, because almost inevitably my dad hates anything I recommend. Here are some films that I recommended to him & his comments about them.

GLADIATOR

“What the hell was that? A gladiator movie without Mr. Charleton Heston? What were they thinking? Russell Crowe, you are no Mr. Charleton Heston!”

THE 40 Year-Old Virgin

“That wasn’t funny, that wasn’t funny at all. All they did was tear hair off his body, I saw that in the promos, why would I pay to see that again? Steve Carrell, you are no Mr. Charleton Heston!”

Slumdog Millionaire

“Where the hell was Mr. Regis Philbin? How do you do Millionaire without Mr. Regis Philbin? I can’t even watch that Millionaire show with that chick during the day, how could I watch this? And he’s going for a million rupees? I don’t know how much that is, it may as well be $20 for all I know. And what was that stupid ending? What?”

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

“I would have just punched Uncle Billy in the face if he lost all that money and screwed things up. What a buffoon.”

MEMENTO

“Ok, I know this much, his wife dead. After that, who knows? I stopped watching after about 20 minutes. I’d just tell this guy, write this stuff in a book, why you messing up your body anyways? Why make a film that even the director doesn’t know what’s going on. Come on!”

Sex & The City: The Movie

“Why would my stupid son recommend this movie to me anyways? What was he thinking? With that title, I thought it was a skin flick. I can’t believe I wasted 2 hours on this garbage, I’ve seen DOG WHISPERER episodes that were dirtier. My stupid son! And why does he keep on calling me SAMANTHA???”

E.T. THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL

“I would have just killed that thing if I had seen it.”

AMERICAN PIE

“What kind of son serves you apple pie when he tricks you into watching this filth! I almost lost my lunch when that kid.. I can’t even talk about it, stupid son. It’s definitely no classic like PORKY’S is.”

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: Part Something Or the Other

“What’s worse than watching stupid elves or goblins, whatever they are, just walking around for over 3 hours looking for some cheap looking ring? Answer – 3 films each 3 hours log of stupid elves or goblins just walking around looking for some stupid ring. And, were those 2 elves, goblins, whatever -- dating or what? Just kind of weirded me out, not that I have any problem with that.”

THE CRYING GAME

“I spent half the film just falling for that broad, I don’t want to talk about it. Why would my son do this to me?”


August 18th, 2010


On a typical first date out, most new couples will go to a movie together. First dates are hard enough without the actual choice of movie sabotaging any chance of a second one. Here are some movies to avoid if you want that precious SECOND date to happen.

WRISTCUTTERS – A LOVE STORY (2006)


Sure – comedies are great for dates, romantic comedies even more so.  Add to that, a romantic comedy about suicide victims in the afterlife… and you may have just a few uncomfortable moments.

DELIVERANCE (1972)


It’s a great movie, a classic even – but the look on Ned Beatty’s face when he “squealed like a pig” might just not put anybody in the mood.

THE ACCUSED (1988)


Rule #1 – it’s never a great idea to bring a date to a film about an intensely brutal rape.
Rule #2 – you DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB

IRREVERSIBLE (2002)


An art film is bad enough for a first date, an art film about an incredibly brutal rape.. but filmed in reverse to be extra artsy is just a bad idea. While the film starts off bad and ends up happy, chances are your date will just end up bad if you’re insane enough to bring her to that.

David Cronenberg’s CRASH (1996)


Don’t make a mistake thinking that you’re going to see the Oscar nominated film about life in L.A. starring a cast of thousands including Sandra Bullock and Terrance Howard, because that’s the mistake that will kill any chances at all of going forward to a second date. No, this is the film about people who get sexually turned on by car crashes, sometimes even during car crashes. Bonus points to you if you’re brave enough to have brought a date to see this at a drive-in.

THE CRYING GAME (1992)


If your date suggests that the both of you watch this movie… trust me, she might be giving you some CRAZY hint. Enjoy what is going to be a fascinating date you can talk about for YEARS!

John Water’s POLYESTER (1981)


What date couldn’t be made better than one watching a film centered around a 300 pound transvestite named Divine, alcoholism, depression, suicide and an abortion. Did I mention this is a comedy?

CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS (2003)


Great documentary, but it focuses on a family where the father and son were accused of molesting young children under their care. You might get her in the mood with this, but it won’t be the mood anybody would want.

THE HAPPENING (2008)


Sure, the promos make it look amazing – but then you sit down to watch it. A mysterious event has started killing off a sizeable part of the population. We’re never sure what that event is, but we find out that it somehow involves our planet being annoyed by humanity and striking at us through the wind and the trees. More than half the film revolves around watching Mr. Marky Mark Wahlberg being “chased” by a breeze going through the trees. Marky Mark even tries to discuss what’s happening with the trees, if you can believe that (I kid you NOT!). It’s not even worth appreciating in an ironic way like you do with Ed Wood films, it’s just completely unwatchable. A bad time on the screen, will definitely not lead to a good time afterwards on the date.

SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE (2008)


This is the only film with the word “sex” in it that guys won’t rush to see. Ladies, take that to heart. If he suggests seeing it, you may as well resign to being good friends.



After going through this list of mistakes, I’m convinced that I’m bringing my next date dancing instead.


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